I cannot help but notice the beauty and wisdom of how St. Francis de Sales counseled people in his spiritual direction, most especially the novice (see this letter from St. Francis de Sales) who was seeking perfection. I will now endeavor to reframe his advice in terms of the IFS model. This is my attempt to bring the wisdom of a Doctor of the Church into the modern world of trauma-informed psychology and inner parts work.
The IFS model is secular, and its primary philosophy is formed from experimental data of human experience. Here are the main conclusions: Every human person has a Self who has the capacity to observe and reflect upon one’s own thoughts and emotions. IFS goes further to say that the Self can build a relationship with the thoughts and emotions as if they were little human persons inside. As the Self notices and reflects upon thoughts and emotions, the Self also has the capacity to bring the qualities of calm, curiosity, compassion, courage, connection, confidence, clarity, and creativity inward, and bring inner peace. It is my personal belief that this inner peace can be considered a form of what St. Ignatius calls ‘non-spiritual consolation.’ By gently paying attention to these ‘parts’ inside our psyche an inner relationship of tenderness grows. This attention and attunement, in a human way, brings peace and inner healing to the ‘family system of parts’ within the human person. The Self brings non-spiritual consolation (my application of Ignatius’ definition) to the parts, in service of preparing the heart, mind, and body for spiritual consolation that only comes from God, through the Holy Spirit.
St. Francis writes to his directee:
…think about the vanity of the human mind and how easily it becomes confused and wrapped up in itself… the interior trials you have experienced were caused by the multiplicity of reflections and desires that came about in your great hurry to attain some imaginary perfection. By this I mean that your imagination had formed an ideal of absolute perfection which your will wanted to reach, but, frightened by the huge difficulty, or rather, impossibility of attaining it, remained, as it were, heavy with child, unable to give birth. On this occasion your will multiplied futile desires which, like bumblebees and hornets, devoured the honey in the hive, while the true and good desires remained starved of all consolation.
In IFS terms the phrase, “the multiplicity of reflections and desires,” is describing an inner battle, or a polarity. The mind that “becomes confused and wrapped up in itself” may feel like a cloudiness in one’s forehead. In IFS this confusion is considered a layer of protection for the parts battle underneath between the parts who work towards perfection and parts who are resistant. The cloudiness may be a way to procrastinate or dissociate from the exhausting battle underneath between the “bumblebees and hornets.” Both sides possibly have the good intention of inner peace and consolation that results from the will choosing to grow in relationship with God. The IFS model suggests that these parts are working very hard to help a wounded and burdened part (an exile) who believes she needs to be perfect in order to attain this relationship with God. The protective striver parts set the standards higher than can be achieved. The protective resistant parts, understanding that perfection is unattainable, work hard to minimize failure. The interior battle leaves the person exhausted and confused, both physically and mentally, and the spirit is “starved of all consolation.” (Nota bene, everyone has their own personal interior experience. The above is just a model of what could be happening inside. An IFS practitioner or a spiritual director who is IFS informed wouldn’t put his/her personal thoughts or judgments onto a directee who was presenting with a part that is burdened by perfectionism. The only way to really understand what’s going on is to guide the individual person to listen inside to their parts with open-hearted curiosity).
As St. Francis says later in more than a few words, let’s slow this down! “I don’t mean that we shouldn’t head in the direction of perfection, but that we mustn’t try to get there in a day, that is, a mortal day, for such a desire would upset us, and for no purpose.” St. Frances de Sales must be alluding to the truth we find in Scripture that “with the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day” (2 Pt 3:8). In other words, the Lord is patient, waits for us, and leads us: “Let us not doubt that God will provide more for us tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and all the days of our pilgrimage.” (de Sales).
Not surprisingly, there are other aspects of Self (according to IFS), such as patience, persistence, presence, playfulness, and perspective. These aspects are, indeed, more ways in which our Self can image God to connect to our innermost parts. By making a U-turn towards our parts and paying loving attention to them, (rather than shaming ourselves, which is actually considered another protective part), we are able to bring our minds back into a state of clarity. This is similar to the further advice de Sales gives to his directee:
…we mustn’t think we can fly, for we are like little chicks who don’t have wings yet. We die little by little; so our imperfections must die with us, a little each day. Dear imperfections, they force us to acknowledge our misery, give us practice in humility, selflessness, patience, and watchfulness; yet, notwithstanding, God looks at the preparation of our heart and sees that it is perfect.
Our thoughts and feelings and our “imperfections” are dear to God and should therefore be dear to us. God recognizes our efforts that begin with our hearts’ desires for Him, and He does not want us to be burdened by an unattainable idea of perfection. Acknowledging and loving our “misery” is how both IFS and our beloved Doctor of the Church, St. Francis de Sales, encourage us to grow in wholeness and holiness.
2uolord 